"I don´t care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul"
-Radiohead
Warning: Don´t bother commenting on this entry...I got things figured out.
Okay...bit of a downer last time. I woke up the next morning after that blog entry sick as the proverbial dog, and far, far too late to actually walk anywhere. It really bugged me that yet another goal and timeline had to slip again. The morning after that (Sunday), I still wasn´t feeling up to walking, but I made myself a deal that if I felt a bit better by noon, I´d at least try and get to the next town. For two hours I sat in a café across from the cathedral in Santo Domingo drinking coffee, wondering why I can´t seem to get this camino on track. Why I can´t seem to hit my goals here with any kind of regularity. Had a bit of an epiphany - I don´t have to. I can´t expect to be perfect every day, and I can´t keep beating myself up when I´m not.
It occured to me that this is how I´ve lived my life to this point. Trying to be the perfect everything everyday. And every time I fell short, I´d tell myself that I didn´t deserve my successes, or my freinds, or any love offered to me, etc.. Even though it may seem obvious to the rest of the world, I understand now that I can´t be perfect at everything all the time. That does´nt make me a failure; I´ve come to understand now that though perfection may be the goal, it´s not the yardstick. And I understand now that I do deserve my success, my friendships, your love, their love, her love...not because I´ll ever be perfect, but because I wake up every morning and try to be.
I feel good. Yeah, that´s what it is. I feel good. Lighter than I´ve felt in years. Better than you would expect a man to feel after he discovers and accepts that he´s fundamentally flawed. I don´t want to forget this lesson, and I never want to lose this feeling.
I walked out of Santo Domingo at 1:3opm or so and arrived in Grañon about an hour and a half later. Probably could´ve gone further, but I decided to call it a day there. Good decision. The albergue was in the converted bell tower of a church...what it lacked in facilities, it made up for in atmosphere. Met a whole bunch of great people there (lots of Canadians, strangely enough). In particular there is this one family from Quebec who have been doing the camino (with 3 kids and 2 donkeys) since July. They started in Le Puy, France, and have already gone something like 900km. They´re an altogether remarkable family, and they put on the most wonderful musical show in Grañon. The father, Michael plays guitar and Mandolin (no, not at the same time, stupid). The mother, Sarah, and the kids all play violin). It made for a very memorable evening, and I really hope I´ll be seeing them again. You tend to know when you´ve just met special people, and every one of them is just that.
Made the 14km into Belorado in short order this morning, and will try for San Juan de Ortega tormorrow (might make it, might not, might get distracted by a shiny object on the side of the road). I can honestly say that things are going well now. No quitting now or ever. After all, this is a cumulative thing, and even if I can´t be perfect every day...it´s still just a matter of time.
Take care...will update soon.
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